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When Dinos ruled the earth...before God

When Dinos ruled the earth...before God

Yes, I know…crazy, crazy title for a blog.  But you just wait…there may be more in this blog than what you automatically think when you read the title….

The other day me and the Mr. plunkered down onto the couch and turned on the tv. just in time to catch one of the most interesting shows I have ever seen.  Documentary, really.  It was called “Did Darwin kill God?”.  Intrigued in what the discussion was going to be about, I listened with open ears.

I’m not one to preach god, I’m not one to turn to and ask god for help when I’m in trouble, and I’m most definently not one to even believe it god, really.  I went to Sunday school growing up.  I remember having a blast catching the little orange bus outside of my house all the way to the other side of the block where the church was located.  I remember learning Johnny Appleseed and other wonderful songs that I still find myself singing to this very day.  And I remember the excitement I had within when I got my very first Bible for showing up to all of the classes…it had my name written in the cover and everything.  Sunday School only lasted so long before my parents divorced and things got turned upside down in my household.  Having three sisters, two older and one younger, there was some normality in my home…we really didn’t even know what was going on.  One day Mama was there, and the next day she wasn’t…

It wasn’t until my Papa met his new girlfriend (and now wife) that we began to go back to a church like setting…if you ask most of the kids that went there (who are all now adults), we would easily tell you that it was not, infact, a church, but a cult.  Maybe that was the way all churches were…sing songs here, pick a happy card there, special guest comes and talks about a god-like story at the end.  Us kids didn’t get to see most of it, other than the songs and the card picking…we were always sent to the back room where we did crafts and other fun stuff.  Fun stuff to keep us out of the room with the bigger people.  All we knew is that when it was time to go back and see our parents, they were always crying, and always seemed so forlorn.  It was also interesting the way that no one seemed to have friends or lovers outside of the group.  During the few years we went we attended many weddings from couples that met at the “church”.  Six that I can remember…and that is not including my Papa and step-mama.  Alittle odd…I think so.

That is about the jist of my religous up-brining unless you want to include my grandparents who would rather give all of their money (and they have…or should I say had, tons) to Billy Graham.  Asshole.  My Grandfather even dis-owned his own daughter because she fell in-love with another woman.  Being that the last time we all met up, it turned into a nasty fight of my Grandpa yelling at me something about how wrong it is for men to “bum-hole” eachother.  Something no grand-daughter should ever hear out of her Grandfathers mouth.  Wrong on so many levels I don’t know where to begin, so we just won’t go there 🙂

So we’re watching the show and the host began to talk about Gemini, and how the Bible munked up in it.  How the first part explains how God created earth, and animals before man…then later on in the Bible it talks about how God made Adam before any of this…  I have to say, I wasn’t in a rut about it….I mean, the Bible is how many years old?  It was transcribed, re-written, and then transcribed again.  Ofcourse things were going to get all bent out of order, ofcourse things were going to be written one way somewhere, and another way in another place.  It was inevitable for that to happen.  What I don’t understand is how could anyone who believes in God deny one of the most amazing, wonderful, scientific and realistic discoveries of any time ~ the dinosaurs. 

You can’t just write them off and pre-tend they didn’t exist.  You can’t say that they came after God and all of his supposive creations.  You can’t say that they are all mythical and only alive in stories.  They were here, and they were here before God, before Mary, before any rising and shiny bright star.  There is more proof that dinosaurs existed once-upon-a-time then there is proof that God ever existed.  Between fossils, bones, full skeletons, preserved DNA, and even full dinos found in ice and hardened lava…they can not be denied.

Yet…where were they when God made the earth?  What happened to them in the Bible?  Now I get it…who wants to read a story about the man who created earth, then was eaten by a T-Rex.  I got it…but if you are going to make up a story as in-depth as the Bible, then why not have the dinosaurs join in.  Why not say he “made” the dinosaurs then realized one day “okay buddies…your time is up.  I need a change, I want more of me walking around this earth and less of you”.  Why not have included them into the whole thing? 

So you see, I have some up-bringing with religion (though I find most of it not for me…okay, all of it), I have many family members from grandparents to siblings who believe in God and rely on his “powers” for their own happiness.  I am not against the idea of God, or Jesus, just because I am not a believer…but what I really don’t get is how you can just write off the dinosaurs like they never walked on our earth, and if you do believe in God, then how do you justify the Bible saying without words that they never existed…and then still believe that the Bible is truth?  Do you not question what you are reading, what you learn, and what you are taught?  or do you just roll with the punches because it’s al you know?  I know I have read in some places that it was God’s way of testing us…um.  Who the heck are you to test us when you don’t know us?  That reminds me of when my mans friend (ten years ago) asked me if he could feel my breasts because he hadn’t felt a real pair in a long time.  When I told my Mr. about it, his response was that his friend was just testing me to see if I would give in, or if I was a good woman for him.  So not cool.  No one deserves to be tested, and if you really have any belief in what is around you, you wouldn’t need to test them in the first place.  Not only that, but with everything that man does in the world (and yes, women too), you would think he would be testing us on alot more than just our beliefs in what is around us….or is that what it was.  He knew he was just a regular man who was able to suck people into his beliefs…and therefor had to create a myth about why everything around him existed.  You can’t create fossils…you can’t create dinos frozen in time in a block of ice…you can’t create the DNA that they have found, from dinosaurs, and then call it false.  DNA says it all…a real genetic code, the building blocks of dinosaur life, and it’s been found.  I would love to see him explain that one.

Really, when it comes down to it….Gemini did not kill God, Darwin did not kill God, the dinosaurs are most definitly the ones who killed God.

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Today has been great thus far.  I didn’t sleep well last night.  Mostly due to my oh so wonderful day dreams getting in the way of what I really should have been doing…sleeping.

I tried like the dickens last night to let my mind rest from my silly hollywood star crush that had just started the night before…but it wouldn’t have any of it.  I’m not sure why it started…to be honest, it wasn’t that long ago I was watching an old re-run of Oprah and the topic was all about these ladies who were obsessed with the new “hit” flicks, Twilight.  I couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that these middle-aged women were drooling over guys half of their age…and not just drooling, making clubs, collecting, and even having movie nights where they would play the same movie(s) over and over again.  Now I’m not going to go that far in my “crush”, or I hope not…  No, I won’t, just kidding there. 

Now I do have one aspect of mine that differs from theirs.  My crush is atleast older than myself, and I don’t have a need to re-live my childhood and the innocent love that it brought with it.  I was quite content not being in love as a child (other than with my fav. hockey player), and had no crushes that I thought about all day and all night.  These women were going on about boys half their ages…in some cases, the same age as their children.  Um, ew.  I don’t care how much you want to re-live young love through their movies….ew. 

My crush…Dean Winchester, the Sexy.  For those of you who don’t know who he is, that is the charector name of the hunky, manly man who goes around saving people from anything supernatural with his equally hunky brother, Sam.  So maybe it’s the infatuation with the thought of having someone protecting me…  Maybe deep down I know that one day I’m going to be attacked my zombies or a shape shifter and my most inner thoughts are reaching out for help.  Or maybe it’s just because he is so damn hunky and he is on one of the last shows I watch each and every day.

Either way, last night it went alittle too far for me.  If you read my first blog you will know that lately he has been sneaking into my dreams at night…and then opts not to go away the following day.  Well he was back last night, and as much as I want to complain….omg, I can’t! 

But I will…a little bit. 

Because last night he didn’t sneak into my dream…he snuck into my head while I was wide awake, and while the lights were off, and while my fiance was trying to make love to me.  (Something I am more than sure Dean does not do…he just seems so wild and fun!).  It took everything in my power to try and picture my handsome man and not a guy off of the tv I have never met or even seen in real life.  Again, to no prevail.  I’m not sure if it made the whole sexual experience better or worse for me to be frank.  It was surreal the way I pictured Dean, and therefor the experience came across as if Dean were there, and not my man.  Every time he wrapped his arms around me, it wasn’t a feeling of being loved and pulled closer…it was a feeling of being taken-over and controlled, and in a really sexy way.  At the same time, just the meer thought that it wasn’t that way in the first place almost made it feel odd and uncomfortable.  Like heck I was going to let those feelings take over and ruin the night….if it means I get that hunky, wild, crazy sex, even if it’s just in my head, that was okay with me.  I wanted it.  I needed it.

So then it brings me to this morning.  How do I feel?  Do I feel like I just cheated on my Mr.  Yes.  In a sense it does.  Lucky for me I don’t ever have to worry about running into the real Jensen Ackles on the street or on a tv set, so I think I will be okay 🙂  Otherwise, yes, there is a good chance that having some hunky peice o’man infront of me like that just may be my weak spot.  The straw that broke the camels back, as some would say.  I’m a strong willed person.  I can set my mind to something and acheive it.  I’ve always been this way, and it’s one of the things I love about myself.  But seriously, if my daydreams played out and one day, just say one day, I got a chance to be on one of the sets and just say that he was single (or not…what the heck), and one thing led to another…my strong willed mind will break and I don’t think I could ever resist.  Especially now that I have this whole idea in my mind of what it would be like.

Okay, one question as I write.  What the heck is wrong with me?!  lol   I know this is a healthy thing, I know because I took medical classes through college and we got to learn about men and women and their differences sexually.  Now I have to say, I disagree with most of what they said…men are more visual, my ass.  Disagree!  Women are more prone to fantasizing about men while they are having sex…well, when I took that class I said outloud “my ass”, but low and behold something has obviously changed inside of me.

I want people to know out there that me and my man do not have issues within our relationship.  This is also not a new relationship, we’ve been together for ten years in April, and actually have our wedding planned on our ten year anniversary next year.  I have never been in love so much or so deep, I’ve never thought I could spend the rest of my life with someone before…and a part of me is still terrified, but that is not because of him, that is most def. because of me.  I’m a healthy, very happy and optomisitc 27 yr old girl who has an amazing outlook on life and everything around me.  I’m well-rounded, and love to have fun, and love it when those around me are having fun with me.  I’m not crazy, I know my limits…but when the imagination takes over, well, there is nothing I can do or nothing I want to do…

So now my real man is off fishing with his Dad for the entire day and I’m left home alone with all of my wonderful thoughts and daydreams.  Supernatural is not on tonight, so I may have a repreive here…that will be three whole days of no Dean, and maybe atleast two days of my sexual mind being at rest.  One can only hope…and trust me, I’m that one.

Sexy or just a robot?  what do you think....

Sexy or just a robot? what do you think....

So this whole thought didn’t occur to me until late last night when my man and I were kicking back and watching a movie.

I had my hopes up, I guess you could say, after all…I had heard so much hype about how sexy the actor in the movie was. “Oh my god, he’s so sexy!” are the words that seemed to follow the name of this movie every single time I heard it mentioned. It was craziness!

 

“Holy wow!”, I thought, I have got to see me this fine looking man! I was all anxious when we threw the movie into the DVD player, I sat back on the couch, snuggled into my blanket and waited.
Now to any of my friends where you have been the ones to say “he’s so sexy!”, please don’t take offence. There are so many of you out there, oddly enough,this is just a topic that I really needed to bring up and talk about.

 

So after sitting down during my very little spare time I for some reason decided to think about math. Ofcourse I used Marks assistance to get all the numbers, I hate math. Ew.

 

So here we go…my findings. I have atleast four friends (out of the 180, or approx 90 females, or so, on my fb page…it fluxuates) that find him sexy, and there are approx. three million people in Canada…divide in half for men to woman ratio, so about one point five million women…and in a nut shell this means that approx 66,666 women in Canada think that this rock hard, shielded “sex-bot” is, well, sexy. That’s an incred. crazy number!!! That is 4.4% of women…

 

Then again, that is also 1.43 million that do not think his deep voice and large hands are a turn on. I hate to say it, but I’m with those ladies…I’m proud to say that this guy did nothing for me 🙂
So anyways, there we were all snuggled up watching the movie when suddenly a giant meteor hit earth on the DVD! No, it wasn’t a meteor, it was a transformer! (pardon if that is suppose to be capitalized.) I was so excited, my heart beat just a tad out of time waiting to see him. The one that always seemed to be the guy talked about. Then there he was…tall, dark, and a robot. WTF? Suddenly I was abit confused. I asked Markus when he transformed did he turn human? He said no. Well WTF? See, I don’t remember transformers much…I remember owning some, and to be honest, they pissed me off. Turn them this way, then that way, figure this little rubix cube of a robot out and then have fun turning it back :/ I pref. the good old Barbie doll, thank you 🙂
So there I was…watching this robot with utter dissapointment, when Optimus Prime starts to talk (that is the name of the robot.) So I know each and every person has their own “things” they like in a person, but to me, I’m just not into old guys yet…and by old I mean 70’s or so…you know when the voice gets husky, yeah, that voice, well that was his voice…so he didn’t even seem sexy when you closed your eyes. Yup…dissapointed.
Now I fully realize that I could turn out to be wrong and this guy just might be a thirty year old man who turns out to be the next “big thing”, or maybe he already is. Maybe he is the “Optimus Prime” I had pictured when everyone talked about him. I’ll take my chances.
Needless to say, after that, I lost interest in the movie. I think there was so much hype about the sexy, rock hard, large handed, shielded man…who really turned out to be a very big, large (because they also contained bazookas) hands, and plates that were permanently welded to his body to shield him…infact, they were part of his body, every part. Ouch.

 

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, it amazes me, this number…totally based on rough estimates here, that we as women are finding robots sexy. If you are one of them, remember that one of the crazy parts is that you are not alone. There are almost sixty seven thousand of you in Canada alone! Anywho, who am I to judge…I remember having a crush on Raphael from the Ninja Turtles in the 1st grade 🙂

What a crazy weekend!  My life is really nothing short of boring…in all honesty.  I live in a very small town where everyone already seems to know eachother and doesn’t really want to let others into their “circle”.  I’ve snuck my foot in afew times…or have tried, but either quit attempting with the person, or they quit attempting with me.

I even became so desperate for a friend one time I put up an ad on a facebook page saying I was looking for someone to hang out with.  I got two replies. 

The first lady and I made plans to meet at the Tim Hortons for some coffee.  Holy wow what was I thinking!  I walked inside, ordered my coffee and sat at a far table waiting for my new friend to arrive.  The lady that walked in the door and towards me was not the lady that I saw on the facebook picture!  She was large, not that it matters…just explaining so you have a visual, and her short messy, greasy hair was pulled into piggy tails…sticking straight out like sticks on either side of her head.  Her belly was very large and pregnant, and you could tell she didn’t put two thoughts into what she was wearing that day…sweatpants and what I’m assuming was her  boyfriends old t-shirt.  She promptly sat down and we introduced ourselves.  Well, she obviously felt the connection with me that I did not feel with her, as she proceeded to tell me all about her sex life in way more detail than I ever wanted to hear from a stranger!  Then she began to tell me about her other children and her first boyfriend, the father of her oldest child, and how he was a man-whore…but then told me about her new boyfriend who is allowed to sleep around because he plays hockey.  Not NHL, or WHL, or anything which wouldn’t condone him to sleep around, but would atleast be more understandable…just an old mans team.  How could any woman resist a man that plays hockey?  lol.  Apparently.  Like come on, how desperate do you have to be to sleep with a hockey player…  She also told me all about how she is lying to the gov’t about her marital status so that she could get more money from them…yeah, this sounds like a winner of a friend, doesn’t it?!  Needless to say…I let her go.

The second one went just as well as the first.  This lady and I met not just to discover a new found friendship…or try…but because she had a website that sold baby stuff, and I just happen to make baby stuff.  It quickly ended when she began phoning me at all hours telling me what I had to make, how many I had to make, and the colors.  Umm…the plan was for me to make, you to sell, lady.  Not me be your bitch.  I sell my blankets for $60 a peice, and she was asking for only $5 fee for selling…well who would say no to that!  I didn’t…until she changed it to me making $15 because she was picking up the fabric, buying the fabric, and selling them…are you freakin’ kidding me!  I also make ginormous dinosaur blankets that I sell for $120, and she expected me to make them for her for $50!  Lady, this is literally days and days of endless work to make one of these, back the freak up!

So then I quit finding friends…I would rather be without then to be so desperate to hang out with anyone like my younger sister does.

Worked in my favour, low and behold not afew months later we had new neighbours that ended up being even more than awesome!  No more searching for friends…they found me, and they are just a hedge away 🙂  So we finally end up having them both over on Friday night for some good ol’ chats, beers, and scrabble.  Myself, I don’t drink beer…so I poured myself some water and we all BS’d for afew hours…then made our way to the table to play some good ol’ Scrabble.  Not two turns into the game, each, and I suddenly felt abit funny.  I exscused myself from the table and wabbled down the hallway out of sight, to catch my breath. 

In the past, I did sheet metal for two years (and super proud of that!), and since then have not cried.  It taught me to be tougher than what I probably should be.  Thus being the thought in my head, I told myself to suck it up and get through the next few hours of fun that I had been looking forward to for soooo long!  We’ve had the two of them over at seperate times before…she always comes over during the days, and he works most of the time, so spends most of his time with my Mr. out fishing.  Anywho, I wabbled back to my chair and suddenly realized, omg…I have to go lay down.  I got up from our pub-style table and the second I stood up, I thought I was going to pass out.  I made my way about three feet infront of me when I realized, if I don’t say something now…I’m going to go down and no one will be here to catch me.

They already knew something was up…apparently I was also walking kinda funny…drunk almost.  That is when the scariest thing happened.  I couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk, couldn’t breath…I was too scared that I was going to pass out.  You know that creepy, nauseating feeling you have before you black out…well it wasn’t stopping.  The boys helped me onto the couch where I still couldn’t move or talk for fear…I just kept thinking about saying goodbye to everyone, but affraid if I said it out loud it would seal my fate.  My hands were clammy, my chest was dripping beads of sweat, and my skin extra pale.   My new girlfriend sat beside me and played with my hair for awhile then decided to go.  I managed to squeeze out the words that I was sorry.  To my amazement, both of them had told me they had something happen like that before as well. 

Yeah, but I bet not infront of your friends you were hanging out with for the first time, as couples!  I most def. wasn’t embaressed…holy wow they were so cool about it.  Like we had known eachother for years, and not months. 

So I guess it’s true what they say…one (or two) good friends is better than a handful of wierd ones…and better late then never 🙂

Anyways,

Dear Dean Winchester *Jensen Ackles

I am not okay with what you did last night.  I was laying down, so soundly sleeping, when you walked into my room.  You startled me awake with a light touch on my shoulder, it sent incredible tingles down my spine and I suddenly felt more awake than ever.  Quitely I crept out of bed and followed you into my livingroom where you embraced my face in your hands and pressed your lips to mine.  My knees went weak.

  I knew what was going to happen next, and despite trying desperately to tell you, and myself, no…I just didn’t have the power.  I can’t even call it making love…for I have no idea who you really are, and the actions were not even in that category, not even close.  I felt alive, I felt wanted, and damn…you looked way to good to resist with your perfect smile.  I felt so good in your massive arms, so light and agile, while you were so seductive and in a sense, controlling.  I can feel the sweat dripping off of your body and onto mine…. 

Then I woke up.

I opened my eyes this morning after trying very hard over and over again to fall back asleep to no prevail.  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to pick up where I left off…but my mind just wouldn’t have any of it.  Damn!  Fine, I decided, I’ve got tonight to get back into that one 🙂  But no…that is where my mind went very wrong.  It wasn’t in the mood to wait until tonight to continue the wonderful dream I had…it was going to haunt me through out my day.

Yanking myself out of my room I stumbled into the kitchen where my fiance was making me coffee…  Shit, I thought, and nothing more.  I have never even thought about another man, let alone had a dream about one.  Darn to the SPACE channel for having Supernatural on every night before I went to bed.  Darn PVR for allowing me the opportunity to record the show when I know I’m going to miss it.  And damn you Dean *Jensen, for being so damn hot. 

I thought as the day went on I would be able to look at my man and not think about him…but it turns out, that too was a lie.  I could not.  Thank goodness that he worked today, unfortunately he took off half the day to spend at home…so my luck.  Each time I would walk by him, or him by me I would just giggle like a school girl, and each time he would ask me what was up.  “Oh…just day dreaming of un-dressing someone else”….um…no…  “Nothing sweety…just thinking”.  Yup, we’ll leave it at that. 

Dinner rolls around and I’ve been giddy all day.  Maybe this is a bonus, thinking about another man!  Maybe my happy moods and attitude would be doubled with these ever-so happy thoughts floating randomly through my head.  Remembering and thinking about the total and utter hotness that happened the night before….with a tv star (ohh la la).  I wanted so badly to tell my Mr. what was on my mind, what was in one way bothering me and in a whole nother way…well, bothering me ;), but are you kidding me!  Who does that?  Not me…so I sit here and suffer all alone.  Though I’m sure if I told him he wouldn’t have been suffering with me, not in a sexual sense anywho. 

Then the worst of it happens…I begin to wonder if he knows something.  Like the first times you smoked or drank and then went out and thought the whole world knew what you had just done.  I decided to indulge myself in cooking some dinner to get my mind off of things.  Right then I think to myself, “there is no way he knows”, and giggle one of my daydreaming giggles, and contine stirring and tearing apart the hamburger in the pan for my spaghetti.  Then he walks in the kitchen, “beating some meat are you?”, he says.  Damn, now you get out of my head!  How did you know what I was doing?!  Okay…not really, I wasn’t doing that in my daydream, but maybe later 🙂  but he did really say that.  I literally bust a gut laughing out loud! 

The day is nearly done, I’ve been awake since 7am, and I can not remember the last time I spent a day laughing, smiling, giggeling, and off in daydreams so much over a cute boy.  I am a very happy person naturally, but today I set a whole new bar for the world and their meaning of happiness.  Cause of effect : a dream.  So now he’s at work…Supernatural in on in ten minutes….and I’m affraid to watch it.  Or am I?

Hello world!

Alittle bit about myself before I begin my blogging life 🙂

I am 27 years old and currently do not work a real paying job.  What I do get the luxury of doing is doing what I love to do, which is model.  I’m not stuck-up, I don’t have a raised nose to everyone else I meet, and I love meeting new people of all kinda, ages, and races. 

I grew up in a small town in BC, Canada and haven’t really ventured much further than that.  I’ve been out of the province once when I was nine years old and my parents divorced.  My Dad thought it would be just great to take me and my three sisters, pack us up in his tiny Toyota and drive from one end of our country straight over to the other side.  One day I will make it somewhere further than that 🙂  I’m in no hurry at the moment.

I’ve been with my Mr. for almost ten years and together we’ve settled down in a even smaller town than I grew up in.  It doesn’t offer much in the way of furthering my modeling career, but I never really had intentions of doing this “for a living” in the first place.  Just as a way of keeping me happy and feeling great about myself.  I have been modeling since I was 13 yrs old and was chosen out of a very large group of people to be trained, taught, and molded into what a model should be.  I have listened to most of it…but did not let it all get to my head as I’ve seen in most of the other girls that I have worked with or around.  I was the cheerleader that sat at the “nerds” lunch table, and the jocks.  The pretty blond girl that had a wide range of friends and was nice to everyone.  I still do 🙂

My goal is to hopfully make it into acting one day…even just a extra in a small movie would be pretty cool to me.  It would just be a dent in my goal, but none-the-less, a dent 🙂  My cup is always half full and never half empty.  I’ve learned through life that it has un-expected turns, and sometimes un-wanted turns, but it always leads me on the right path to where I want to be.  Life is just one giant learning curve, and once you have something figured out….well…there is another thing right around the corner waiting for you.  I love this.  I love learning and I love furthering myself in any situation.

So there you have it.  Just a regular girl living in the same world as everyone else.  So where does this blog bring me…I guess we won’t know until I begin my day and see what is on the mind of just one pretty girl 🙂